A Fictional Dating Profile by JB
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Gwen as a child |
I’ve known people who admitted to their having exaggerated their own good qualities on dating websites, and I’ve read enough of these fictionalized rhapsodies to find them quite entertaining. I decided to create one based upon a made-up person named Gwendolyn Glossup. I feel tempted to post it on one of those dating sites, like Match.com or E-Harmony, but I doubt that it would be worth the money to have it rejected by the sites themselves. Still, I wonder if Gwendolyn would receive any takers, were her profile to be posted somewhere. Exaggeration is the key to the unintended humor of such websites.
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before plastic surgery |
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after winning the Nobel Prize |
Screen name: The Purple Sex Kitten (Gwendolyn Glossup)
Age…….39 plus
Married….four times
Height…5’7”
Body type…A bit of this and a dab of that
Religion….Unorthodox. Worship in the pastry section of Treasure Island Foods
Music…New Age and anything else I can roller blade to
Eye color…violet (left eye), green (right eye)
Dislikes: cilantro, cracked pepper, people who use their cell phones as substitutes for real human contact, George W Bush, Dick Cheney, Peewee Hermann, and people who leave their shopping carts blowing around the parking lot
Hobbies: Collecting shrunken heads and potatoes that look like shrunken heads
Pets: Two goldfish named Laverne and Shirley
Politics: Independent (Republicrat)
Exercise: Are you kidding?
Children: Something will have to freeze over first
Ethnicity: Hawaiian/Dutch/English
Education: Diplomas and degrees from matchbook cover schools
Drinking: Like a fish
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Sex? |
Hair color: Mauve and lavender
Smoking: Only Cuban cigars
Income: Occasionally
Favorite pastime: Trying to put my feet up over my head while watching OPRAH
About my date: Someone with arms and legs, who enjoys watching reruns of THE LOVE BOAT. A very special turn-on would be if he looked like Floyd the barber from THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW or Eb from GREEN ACRES. Otherwise I’m not fussy and will date anyone who is not currently in an oxygen tent or iron lung. XOXOXOXO
Oh, go ahead and do it..make someone’s day (or year?)
Very witty and hysterical!
Oh, this would such a fun creative exercise. To come up with a whole series of fake profiles, and see if they catch any interest.
Yes! This was a lot of fun. JB
Interesting, not long after reading your post, I come across this article http://m.nydailynews.com/1.1526124#bmb=1
Yes, I think the maliciously exaggerated profiles are horrible. The transparently ridiculous ones are simply humorous. It would be fun to create a whole set of these. Thanks for sharing the article. JB