Newspaper Hierarchy

I can’t recall where I came across this cheeky but brilliant summary of American newspapers, but here it is in all its satirical glory:

NEWSPAPERS
1. The *Wall Street Journal* is read by the people who run the
country.

 

2. The *Washington Post* is read by people who think they run the country.

 

3. The *New York Times* is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

 

 4. *USA Today* is read by people who think they ought to run the
country but don’t really understand The New York Times. They do,
however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

 

5. *The Los Angeles Times* is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country–if they could find the time–and if they didn’t have to leave Southern California to do it.

 

6. The *Boston Globe* is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

 

7. The *New York Daily News* is read by people who aren’t too sure who is running the country and don’t really care as long as they can
get a seat on the train.

 

8. The *New York Post* is read by people who don’t care who’s running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The *Miami Herald* is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
 
10. The *San Francisco Chronicle* is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist, and also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.

 

11. The *National Enquirer* is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

About John

John Bolinger was born and raised in Northwest Indiana, where he attended Ball State University and Purdue University, receiving his BA and MA from those schools. Then he taught English and French for thirty-five years at Morton High School in Hammond, Indiana before moving to Colorado. He spends his winters in Pompano Beach, Florida. Besides COME SEPTEMBER, Journey of a High School Teacher, John's other books are ALL MY LAZY RIVERS, an Indiana Childhood, and COME ON, FLUFFY, THIS AIN'T NO BALLET, a Novel on Coming of Age, all available on Amazon.com as paperbacks and Kindle books. Alternately funny and touching, COME SEPTEMBER, conveys the story of every high school teacher’s struggle to enlighten both himself and his pupils, encountering along the way, battles with colleagues, administrators, and parents through a parade of characters that include a freshman boy for whom the faculty code name is “Spawn of Satan,” to a senior girl whose water breaks during a pop-quiz over THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS. Through social change and the relentless march of technology, the human element remains constant in the book’s personal, entertaining, and sympathetic portraits of faculty, students, parents, and others. The audience for this book will certainly include school teachers everywhere, teenagers, parents of teens, as well as anyone who appreciates that blend of humor and pathos with which the world of public education is drenched. The drive of the story is the narrator's struggle to become the best teacher he can be. The book is filled with advice for young teachers based upon experience of the writer, advice that will never be found in college methods classes. Another of John's recent books is Mum's the Word: Secrets of a Family. It is the story of his alcoholic father and the family's efforts to deal with or hide the fact. Though a serious treatment of the horrors of alcoholism, the book also entertains in its descriptions of the father during his best times and the humor of the family's attempts to create a façade for the outside world. All John's books are available as paperbacks and Kindle readers on Amazon, and also as paperbacks at Barnes & Noble. John's sixth and most recent book, Growing Old in America: Notes from a Codger was released on June 15, 2014.
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